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Godly advice needed quickly please - 11/17/2008 8:55:53 PM
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Jaded23
Posts: 7
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline
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I posted about a month ago detailing problems in my long relationship with my husband. We've been together 26 years, married for 21. In a nutshell, he has been addicted to porn and hid it from me for many, many years before I discovered it. He got to the point where fantasy was no longer enough and he wanted to make them real. He has also been manipulative and controlling though he sees none of it in himself and says I am selfish.
I moved out for 9 months and came home only to find things haven't changed. In the last 5 months we have had about 4 major arguments resulting in unkind words being said to me in anger. I say I need to leave and then the next day everything's *normal*. We play family until it happens again. I am not good at confrontation, I hate it, so I have a hard time bringing the issue back up. But the stress is killing me.
This happened again last week. He says he is comfortable and at peace with God and that if I'm going to be unhappy, he'd rather I be unhappy with him...the one who understands and loves me. I don't trust him, and love him only platonically at this point. This has been going on for 7 years now. He has refused individual counseling which I feel he needs. I have been in individual counseling twice and marriage counseling once, briefly, with him.
Cutting to the chase...after this happened last week, I made arrangements to move out this Wednesday. After a *normal, play family* weekend I spoke to him about it tonight. He says the same thing, he loves me, he wants to take care of me, and would rather have me unhappy with him than unhappy without him. Again, even though I don't see repentence, he feels he is fine, and is happy with his lifestyle. (He is also a functional alcoholic)
So, I don't know what to do about Wednesday. I want to go, but I don't. I'm scared. I don't want regrets. I want our old family back, but there has been so much broken trust. Things keep going through the same cycle again and again. I know it's only a matter of time before it happens again. I feel I need to make a choice NOW, or it will be another 7 years in the same pattern.
Also, if I don't leave Wednesday, I'll lose the place I found. Please pray for me and offer me your words of wisdom.
Thanks.
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RE: Godly advice needed quickly please - 11/17/2008 9:01:58 PM
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MrsTracy72
Posts: 2060
Joined: 2/28/2007
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Ok, so is porn still an issue in your marriage? Is he still looking at it? If so, how can he be at peace with God? You did not file for divorce and if you feel that this relationship is not good, then maybe some time away would be good for the both of you. Why does he think you will be unhappy without him.
Porn is cheating. I don't care what anybody says, it is cheating. There is no reason for a person to be looking at that, especially when you are married. I mean do you wonder whose face he sees when you are intimate with eachother?
I would say go with your gut on this one. If you feel that things aren't changing, then take the apartment and go. You can always go back when your lease is up. But for him to assume that you will be unhappy without him is pretty rude.
If you feel you need to get away, then go. If you think things will change, then stay. I do hope that I helped a bit. But in the end, this is your decision to make. Pray over it and talk to your husband about it. But tell him that neither of you know if you are going to be happy or unhappy moving out. Who knows? It could be the best move in your life and you may be happier for it.
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RE: Godly advice needed quickly please - 11/17/2008 11:30:13 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11746
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
Status: offline
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MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
Please update your previous thread HERE.
We do not allow multiple threads about the same situations.
This thread is closed.
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